5 questions about facing challenging feelings with child and adolescent psychiatrist Dr. Dimal Shah
Does your child struggle with their feelings? Learning to navigate them is a natural part of emotional development, but some children have an easier time with this than others. Dr. Dimal Shah, child and adolescent psychiatrist at our Virginia Treatment Center for Children offers some insight for helping kids through this process.
You often share four words with parents and caregivers who are looking to help their children with big feelings. What are those words and why are they important?
Identify. Communicate. Understand. Acknowledge.
- Identify when your child is in distress or what the situations are that cause your child distress.
- Communicate the feelings. Ask your child to tell you how they feel during the situation.
- Take a moment to understand your child’s feelings and distress.
- Acknowledge your understanding by communicating back in a calm, caring and loving manner.
Does helping kids with their emotions vary based on their age?
Communication is key for any age. Younger children may need more assistance in identifying emotions and appropriate ways to express them.
Older children may not want to communicate as much. Help them by expressing your understanding of the situation and acknowledging the distress. Sometimes, adolescents need to know they’re not alone and that others are going through or have gone through similar situations.
How can parents gauge if their children’s emotions are age appropriate or something more?
Sometimes looking at situations from the perspective of your own upbringing can help. However, today’s parents didn’t grow up with the same societal pressures kids face today – social media being a big one. Ask yourself how you would have felt if peers excluded you from a social gathering during high school. You may not have even known, but if you did what would you have thought? How would you have acted? In today’s world, kids and teens can see pictures of social gatherings posted on Instagram, etc. Putting yourself in their shoes can help you gauge their emotions.
When would you recommend families seek help for children who are struggling with emotions?
I recommend always seeking help when children request it.
Other signs that it might be time to reach out to a mental health professional are when:
- Your child is not acting like their typical self
- School performance is declining
- You notice a lack of motivation or interest in past hobbies
- Socialization among friends or family has decreased
What can parents and children try at home to bring some calm during times of high emotion?
Relaxation strategies are a great way to stay grounded. Practicing them regularly will also help ensure your child is prepared to use them when times get tough. A few I recommend are slow deep breathing, square breathing, mindfulness meditation and progressive muscle relaxation.
Slow deep breathing
- Breathe through your nose for 4 seconds.
- Hold your breath for 7 seconds.
- Exhale slowly through pursed lips for 8 seconds.
- Repeat 4-5 times.
Square breathing
- Breathe through your nose for 4 seconds.
- Hold for 4 seconds.
- Breathe out slowly for 4 seconds.
- Hold for 4 seconds.
- Repeat the process 4 times.
Mindfulness meditation
- Lie on your back or sit comfortably on a chair with both feet on the ground. Close your eyes (if tolerable).
- Take a slow deep breath in and feel your belly rise (you can put your hand on your belly to assist).
- Hold it for 4 seconds.
- Slowly breathe out for 8 seconds.
- Repeat 2 times.
- Take another slow deep breath in and imagine a wave of positivity come into your body starting with your belly.
- Hold it in. Imagine it spreading it to the rest of your body… your arms, then your fingers… your legs to your toes… your neck and head.
- Breathe out slowly. Imagine each exhale is releasing all the aches, pains and negativity from your body.
- The pain from your fingers and toes is moving to your hands/feet, arms/legs and back into your belly and then out of your body.
- The negativity from your head goes down your neck and into your belly and then out of your body through each breath.
- Repeat several times.
- At the end of the exercise, slowly open your eyes and take another slow deep breath in and exhale slowly.
- When ready, slowly move to a seated position if lying down. When ready, stand and end the practice.
Progressive muscle relaxation
- Lie down and take slow, deep breaths through your nose.
- Bring your attention to your toes.
- Curl them, hold for a few seconds and release.
- Recognize the difference between the tensed muscles and relaxed muscles in your toes.
- Continue with slow, deep breaths.
- Tense, hold and relax muscles from feet to head, recognizing the different feelings.